Big Splatoon change come! Ooga booga! Fire water good. New rock smash. Bug gone. Many grunt happy. See scroll for more grunt detail.

Big update come to Splatoon! Make squiggle-fight more fair. Come soon, moon after next harvest moon! North cave get first, then far-away ice cave. Wise Nintendo say make many change. Make splat good, make jump good, make all weapon good. No more sneaky boom-fish! Make loud now, so hear coming. Big change to splat roller. Smash good, but slow now. Wise Nintendo say make change after watch many fight. See what good, what bad. Want all cave-squid have fun, have fair fight. They say more change come later, keep eye on fire-rock talk box for news. Oog, mammoth rider: "Me see boom-fish no more surprise! Good!" Boog, rock painter: "Me happy splat roller still smash. Me smash good!" Chieftain Grog, leader of Big Rock Tribe: "Me glad wise Nintendo make game fair. Strong fight good, but fair fight better. Make tribe happy!" Story by Rok from Caveman Talk Fire, on the scene.